Meeting Michelle – part 2

With over 10,000 people in the Frank Erwin center I wasn’t pinning my hopes on having an amazing experience – the fireside chat with Michelle Obama. The highlight of my evening was meeting and getting a picture with her in person which was done and done. I was now going to relax, kick off my heels, let my mascara run if it had to and listen to her speak.

I had no expectation whatsoever and to my surprise what ensued in fact felt very much like an intimate conversation with her. I did not feel short changed. Our moderator for the evening was Rachel Ray, the chef/TV show hostess, a choice most of was were perplexed about and after the fact were also underwhelmed by. She sounded like a giggly school girl and her questions to Michelle Obama sounded much like the end of year book quizzes school kids fill out about their favorites. She also called Austin a beautiful city with friendly people, very true, and a city with no isms – so not true. Still to her credit, the conversation felt casual, easy and light hearted which isn’t always a bad thing.

Michelle Obama, and the inextinguishable flame she exudes radiated much like she always does, Rachel Ray’s questions and intrusions notwithstanding. Michelle still managed to lead it in the direction she wanted and said what she had to. She was glorious and spoke with such ease, grace and conviction and cracked us up innumerable times with her effervescent wit and charm. She had the effect of a warm embrace of a soft blanket on a chilly evening – you just did not want to let go. 

Here’s the essence of what she chatted about. These are not in chronological order and not word to word. I’ve tried to capture some of the highlights that stayed with me. 

Their new casa

There was a lot of talk about their new life and home in upstate New York. You still can’t walk up to our house and ring the door bell, she cautioned while alluding to the fact that security is still omnipresent but now instead of being inside the house all the time, they’re mostly outside the house. She recollected this one time her daughter Sasha came home and could not enter as she forgot her ID. She talked about maybe learning how to play the piano someday but that they don’t own one now. When Rachel asked about her being a gardener, she said making light of her skillset ‘sure, I could call myself a gardener then because I had the National Park Service helping me!’ and that they don’t have one yet. She was asked if she made dinner in the house and was chastised by Rachel on her microwaved grilled cheese. This part I loved the most because she said that of the things she missed cooking was not necessarily one of them!

Another aspect of the new home was what it did to their dogs Bo & Sunny. They were not normal dogs, she said because of how they grew in isolation in the White house. And now they are intrigued by the sound of barking dogs and the doorbell, something they never had to contend with before!

Parenting and Family

She talks a lot about her mother and father in her book and has always given them the thanks for where she is today. She talks about how her Mom is their rock to this day and how mothers back then, they actually could do stuff – sew, cook etc. Her mother was crafty and all it took to make them, who did not have much, happy was something as simple as a paper fireplace when they didn’t have a real one. She believes she has her mother’s style of parenting which was that of showering little praise, pragmatism, fairness and setting boundaries so that her kids are still a little afraid of her which is gold she said laughing. She had us in splits several times like when she said, if you’re off balance she quipped, it’s not you, it’s them – your kids and when she referenced social media versus our times/dinosaur times she called it. How we had a cable attached to our phone and how ‘K’ is not a word. 

And it was important, this style of upbringing in the White House, where there was activity, distractions, events and everything they needed in surplus, in abundance. If her kids had their way they would never go to school or practice anything or have a routine but she laid down the law and no, they could not skip school because their father was just sworn in as President. She had to set boundaries for her family, for her husband even. Dinner time and bedtime could not be compromised. The kids’ lives had to move forward and they were not to wait for their parents’ schedules to fall in line. They had a responsibility to value themselves and their time which is what she tried to teach them. 

She talks about the infinite Christmas trees decking the halls, and their first snow. That one time when she saw her kids pay in the snow like a regular family she knew they would be alright.

Her father was a hardworking man who suffered from MS but took so much pride in his skill, his trade & work that he did not let his disease define him. He was proud to provide for his family. Her relationship with her brother, she being the younger one is just as heartwarming. He was and still is, according to her a worrier, a do the right thing kind of person. Michelle on the other hand, according to Michelle was a bit of a rebel. You can see that streak within her as she talks about her kids and parenting as well. She wants her kids to have enough space to make a few mistakes which is a tough and scary thing to do for every parent, especially in this digital era. 

Strong girls come from strong men in their lives, which she had plenty of. Her father adored her and hence the bar was set high before she even met Mr. President Barack Obama.

Some important things

When she realized that she wasn’t eating nor feeding her kids the most healthy food she started making changes. She quickly extended what she learned to the rest of the country through her many initiatives to get moving and be healthy. Are you looking out for your kids, she asked the audience? Health starts at home but as a society, we need to do more to educate and improve the policies around food and nutrition in our schools.

She was talking about what it felt like leaving the White House, handing the reins to the new President and First Lady and getting on the Air Force One one final time. She talked about how she cried and felt this weight she had been carrying over the years spill out. The weight of expectations of an entire country, of African Americans, of not having one scandal in the 8 years they were in the White House, of protecting her kids and making sure they grew up right, of standing by her husband and holding on to who she is. The conversation turned to all the things they had to do from day one, how it was an immediate responsibility of taking charge, forming your cabinet, making decisions, understanding that you had the nuclear codes in your hand, the overwhelming responsibility of it all – and that’s when she added, that’s how it’s usually done, if you’re doing it the right way – that again led to an uproarious applause! She did not take their name once. 

When asked what her plans were in the next 10 years, the crowd, of course, started shouting ‘President’. We all know her stance on this. She said change does not happen passively and that we as a country are still ‘Becoming’.

Marriage

She has been criticized for speaking of her husband, the President nevertheless as any wife does, sometimes in a casual flippant manner. But it’s this part, this honesty about her marriage, her husband that is the most endearing quality. She had us all in splits, as she weighed in on relationships, their ‘hashtag relationship-goals’ with a cynical smirk.  She and her husband came from very different family structures and had to figure out how to make it work. There are years you will actually hate your husband, she said to nodding women in the audience, in her case she added, decades. She was being funny but so genuine we could all relate to her. She kept the jokes coming – a lot of the reasons we are together is because he was away a lot! She talked about how marriage can be equal without kids but inequities spill out when you have kids. Barack had the affliction early on. ‘HOPE’ she said started early for him – he would say he’s coming home and that was HOPE talking. She shook her head disapprovingly in her real charming manner. When asked what her first thoughts were when she became First Lady ‘oh damn’ she mouthed to the laughing audience. She was ready to be a consoling wife and did not expect to win. 

Rachel Ray asked for it when she prodded Michelle about her romance with Mr. Obama. “Did he ever make you mixed tapes?” she asked and added perkily that she and her husband do that for each other every year to this day. “Oh that’s sweet” said Mrs. Obama, or something to that effect looking at her nodding her head “Perhaps if he wasn’t president and had more time” she added and the crowd burst into laughter with Michelle Obama as she immediately realized the shade she threw while simultaneously instructing us all that ‘throwing shade is not something we should do”. It was clear the witty lady enjoyed it just as much and could not stop laughing. 

Why we love them but more importantly why we love her

It’s easy to see – they are the family next door, the intelligent, witty, charismatic gorgeous family you want to befriend. They had so much pressure with so many strings attached and it’s quite amazing to see how they’ve gone through all that while managing to still stay a normal family.

What I adore the most about her is that she’s incredibly confident while remaining down to earth. She acknowledges her accomplishments without bragging about it. If there’s one thing I took from that night it was that you do not have to put yourself down to show empathy, you do not have to brag to show you are worthy. You can be vulnerable and powerful, influential, gracious and confident all at the same time. Like Michelle Obama. The woman who reminded us that when they go low, we go high!