I live in Austin TX now. I didn’t always. If you track my map you’ll see I’ve lived several places over a lifetime. I love inhabiting a place like I belong and learn all its little secrets, curious spots and lovely nooks and once I’m settled I want to run off again.
I’ve said Austin is it. But the thing is I’ve never been much of a one place woman. My husband says a place for me has a shelf life of 3 years around which I start getting antsy and feel the itch on my heels to move. You want to live everywhere at once, he says smirking, the way you want to do everything all at once or nothing at all, he adds. He’s no saint, maybe a little bit but he’s mostly used to my ephemeral nature when it comes to well, thankfully not him but most other things.
Especially my moods, my mind and it’s whims and so I want to live up in a logged cabin canopied by color changing leaves on massive trees biking down its meandering dirt roads one day and on the streets of bustling bean-town to sneak into a barista for a quick stop the next only to come out onto the back porch to sit on my rocking chair to stare at the rolling green meadows with reticent grazing cattle, a warm shawl to help with the slight nip in the air after which I find myself by a pristine lake skimming water with perfectly smooth pebbles with my daughters and then dine in the busy piazza by the fountains of Venice with a few close friends and finally retire in a fantastically quiet softly lit New York high rise staring out into the bright city lights of a city that never sleeps. Just like some of those chic TV commercials. Who wouldn’t! This used to be my fantasy of a couple of days. I’ve aged and slowed down so I’d like for all of that to span a year now. I think that’s progress.
I’m the girl who likes to move furniture around every 6 months, a fun activity my dad and I indulged in but my mother detested. We would swap entire rooms and living spaces and give it new functions much to her chagrin. I’m also the girl who once took flight at 17 and after undergrad has never lived in the same space for more than 4 years. The one exception is Chapel Hill NC mostly because we were tied down by the house at the time. And now I guess Austin is in the same category. It’s been 5 years here as well.
I will try every salon in town, go through a few cleaners and maid services, gyms and try umpteen spots just to find some shade in a park. It kills me to pick one thing on the menu. I have a hard time picking the best ones for me. What will I miss? How can I commit? And when I settle it’s time to move. It’s a miracle I’m married. He must be some guy!!
I have some OCD tendencies if that wasn’t apparent already. As a child, I had to start with the first page when revising for a test or exam even if the first page covers 1 + 1 = 2 which I very well knew. I somehow had the sense to fight this urge around high school knowing it would doom me if I did not change.
I like having multiple options the way I like my poems, liquid lines changing meaning with each layer, myriad verses with verity culminating into one spontaneous, awe-inspiring and surprise ending. Awe!
That’s it. I look back to my 2 yr old self – the family car pulls into the driveway of our winter getaway at some guest house amidst enchanted gardens and old world extravagances – I jump out of the car and run around the fountain – for an hour – until my parents and grandparents freshen up, the chairs and tea are laid out and I’ve been asked to stop running. Fast forward to my 8-year-old self-walking back and forth, restless and looking bored because it’s summer and the hot humid air means everyone is napping and I cannot decide what to do and must know. You need to slow down, my grandfather would say, every moment is not going to be exciting my little prince of Denmark. “To be or not to be” he’d quote and laugh in his hearty wonderful manner that filled my little soul with joy.
I’ve changed over time, grown up but I still have some habits like nervous ticks that won’t go away and still define me. I’m very organized but love to leave things to chance and chaos – a real dichotomy. I’m an easily intrigued, stable house owning, job holding well-packed wanderer, a last-minute reveler – a true Gemini if you believe in that sort of thing.
I’m also known to read 10 books at the same time and choose severe opposite lifestyles. Socialize too much or hibernate & completely disconnect, overeat or go super squeaky clean healthy, travel relentlessly or bind me to the house for extended periods. I wasn’t always this restless or extreme. It was my way of coping with some life-changing tragedies. I had after years of work managed to be at peace and still with myself again. I enjoy my solitude and don’t have to plan every minute detail of my weekend or life. But my nomadic nature still persists.
My husband, who was no stranger to frequent moves; he was in the navy, after all, didn’t mind the constant change though it was less indulging my whims and more pursuing a career. It suited us both. Until now.
As is tradition my heels have been clicking in anticipation of the next big move. They haven’t caught up to my head which has been stating we’re setting roots here goddammit! They’re more in tune with my sly heart glancing furtively at far-off places and feigning ignorance. “Move? Of course not, I wouldn’t even … this is it I tell you” Is it?
